1. Sibling inheritances: If you had one or
more brothers or sisters, chances are your experiences as a child will be a big
factor in how you deal with your children and their sibling conflicts. For
example, if you were a firstborn child, you may put a lot of pressure on your
children because your parents may have expected too much from you (a very
common, first-child family dynamic). Or perhaps as a last-born, you become
extra-angry when your older children act bossy or critical with a sibling
because it may remind you of how you were treated by your older siblings. Or
maybe you were an only child and seeing your children in sibling conflict feels
confounding and foreign because you did not have that kind of relationship
growing up.
2. The gift of time: Need for a deep
connection to his or her parents or primary caregivers. Children, especially
very young children, are still forming bonds with those around them. It is not enough to assume that children know
we love them. We must show them just how much by giving each child the time to
feel our undivided love and attention without the direct presence of a sibling.
Give them your time, and your children will be able to feel less competitive
with their other siblings for your time.
3. Model behavior: Children learn in the
home comes from how they see the adults around them behaving. This means you
can lecture, teach, talk and preach about how children should act, but if that
is not reflected in your behavior, chances are they will not learn it. Parents
and adults need to show children how to be in a relationship with others that
are compassionate and respectful, even in times of conflict. These are the
behaviors your children will ultimately learn from you.
4. Conflict Resolution: This means
teaching your children how to speak about what they are feeling, how to take
turns listening to each other, and how to make their own decisions about
reaching solutions that meet every one's needs. They will learn essential
life-skills and you will benefit from children who know how to fight
"well".
5. Fair but not always equal: Trying to
keep all things equal will wear down even the most determined parents. It also
contributes to an environment of competition, jealousy, comparisons, and yes,
rivalry between siblings. Making sure that all children know they will get what
they need, when they need it is a much more realistic goal than making sure
they all get the same things at the same time.